The second day...

Lia didn't budge when I tried to wake her up for school. She ignored me and my mobile phone clock alarm and continued sleeping. I turned the bedroom lights on and left her to sleep while I wash up. Finally, she woke up and got off bed by herself. She took the little toy car I gave her yesterday and blurry walked to me in the wardrobe area. I made her wash up and changed her, things were rather fine, and we're soon out of the house.

She was also excited and twisted her bum about when we're about to board the bus! When we reach school, I went in with her and accompanied her for breakfast where she ate like three and a bit more pieces of jam sandwich. She refused the bread skin and after I had peel them off, she gladly thrust them into my mouth. She refused horlicks too, took a tiny sip and wasn't enticed. She'd wanted more bread but the breakfast trolley had left, and it was also time for lessons. The helper thought that Lia wanted to put the plate back upon finishing but I told her no, she wanted more actually.



Later, the helper and a teacher came and ushered the remaining kids to class. Stepping out of the dining hall, I handed Lia's water bottle back to her and told her that I am going to the office to settle some paperwork, and will be back later. She was okay when I told her to follow the teacher(s) and I gladly proceed to the admin office where I sat eating my own breakfast of raisin bread from home. Leisurely read a MMI newsletter and flipped through a magazine. I was rather confident that the little one would be fine - as in, not crying. (How naive that is)

And so, I was wrong. I had written on a piece of paper the messages I had intended to convey to Lia's teacher as I did not wanna disrupt the class and if Lia's doing fine. I don't want her to act up on seeing me. I sneak back to the classroom, lean against the door, and put my ear on it to listen in. To my dismay, I heard my baby's cries.

My heart dropped. I knew that there is no way for me to make my entrance now. Lia would be crying for a second time when I leave her again. Furthermore, she gets real clingy when she sees me and that makes it difficult for the teachers to take her again. I had to let go. She must create a bond with her teacher, and she must learn to look to her teacher for comfort, should she need any, when in school.

I stayed and hid outside the window, peeping in occasionally. I saw Lia standing in front of the shelves, away from the rest, was whining pitifully, and she ignored the teachers and refused to join in the activities. She had her water bottle slung over her neck and she just keep holding on to it. Her voice went a little off due to the crying on the first day and one of my messages I wrote included making her drink more water, which I saw Teacher Sheena did. It was funny when I think of it now, me behaving sneakily outside the window. The other parents in the classroom saw me and smiled, one mother got up and left. Her son started crying too.

I spoke to Teacher Sheena when I returned later in the later afternoon. Teacher June had left early as she's having problems with her eyes. Teacher Sheena told me that Lia did not nap at all. She was very tired and was nodding off when in Teacher Sheena's arms, but awoke the moment she was placed on the mattress. She cried and woke her classmates, and was rather inconsolable. But lucky thing is, she drank her milk which she refused the day before, and ate her lunch properly.

By then, I was feeling rather insecure. I kept asking myself if I had made the right choice in sending my baby to child care at this tender age. I am at a lost, and it has finally got into me that this route I've chosen to embark is really tough.